How to Save a
Marriage After An Affair
If you find yourself wondering how to save a marriage
after having an affair and questioning whether it is even possible to move on
with a stable relationship once your spouse finds out, you are right where
thousands of other people find themselves today as well. Affairs don't have to
be the end to every relationship, but in order to move past it you have to
first be honest with your spouse about what you have done. Yes, it's going o
hurt them when they find out this news, but it will be better for them coming
from you than finding it out some other way.
If you really want to know how to save a marriage
under these circumstances, you will need to spend some time honestly reflecting
upon your reasons for having the affair to begin with. Your spouse is going to
ask you why it happened and you need to have some insightful answers if you
want to restore the relationship. This is information that only you can really
provide, but which will become central to how you strengthen the relationship
for the future.
For anyone trying to figure out how to save a
marriage after an affair, honesty is going to be a huge ticket to success. You
have to be completely open and honest with your spouse and answer all of their
questions, no matter how painful the answers are for you both. If you can't
honestly and thoroughly discuss why the affair happened, you have less chance
of discovering the root issues that need to be resolved in the relationship.
Another key to learning how to save a marriage after
an affair is to carefully select the time and place that you deliver the news
to your spouse. Make sure no one else is around and you have plenty of time on
your hands. This will give your spouse the privacy they need to have their
emotional reaction to the news, ask questions, and deal with the shock that is
bound to set in at first. They will have lots of emotional reactions in the
days and weeks to come, but make sure you give them privacy and time when you
first deliver the news.
Remember, if you want to know how to save a marriage
you have to step up to the plate and take all the responsibility for your
actions. You can't try to underestimate the importance of the affair or blame
your spouse for your actions. You have to own what you have done, accept the
consequences, and express with all honestly how you feel at this point to your
spouse.
The hardest part of learning how to save a marriage
in this type of situation is being there for them while they go through the
painful emotions. You will need to accept if they pull away from you
emotionally or even if they decide they want to be completely away from you for
awhile. You can't fight against these things. You have to give them what they
need and try to support them even if you are hurting as well. Understanding
where they are coming from and trying to help them deal with the pain and anger
is difficult since you caused it, but it is essential if you want to restore your marriage to happier times.
You can learn how to save a marriage and continue on
into old age with your current spouse. Many marriages do break up after an
affair, but in many cases that is because someone gave up too soon. Don't give
up! Keep going through the process with your spouse and chances are you will be
able to restore the relationship.
by Jack Leavitt
Article Source (http://goarticles.com/article/How-to-Save-a-Marriage-After-An-Affair/3256508/)
______________________________________________________
How To Save a
Marriage in Crisis - Save Your Marriage Today!
Our marriage is not the way it used to be. It started
out great but is now suffering. What happened? Everything seemed so great at
first. You need to know how to save a marriage in crisis. You can save your
marriage today.
Currently, the divorce rate in the United States is
set at roughly 50 percent. It seems that many people are getting married only
to get divorced not even 5 years later. Some couples are able to make it to 10
or even 20 years but then something just happens...
The fighting starts. Small disagreements turn into
week long arguments. Grudges are held even though each party in the marriage
vowed to never hold a grudge. Arguments lead to each one of you not talking to
one another. Finally, a divorce is pending. You know that a divorce will occur
unless some changes are made. You know that you need to take action in order to
save your marriage. In the end, your child is left wondering which parent to
believe.
Is it mom's fault or dad's fault? How do you explain
to your child how to save a marriage in crisis? What can you do to save your
marriage today?
You need to take action BEFORE the divorce occurs.
Once this happens there is no turning back. It is better to save your marriage than to have to go through a divorce. After all, you were married in the first
place and were happy at one point in your life. It is time to get this magic
back. It is time to rekindle what you once had. I invite you to read below as
to what you can do to get things back on track. You owe it to yourself.
by
Michelle Walker
Article Source: (http://goarticles.com/article/How-To-Save-a-Marriage-in-Crisis-Save-Your-Marriage
Today/1582142/)
_____________________________________________________
Are You
Complacent And Ignoring These Common Signs of Marriage Problems?
All couples go through difficult
times, when outside pressures just get the better of them and things start to
go badly at home, and they aren’t necessarily signs of problems in the
marriage. Financial stresses, family pressures, crazy schedules and career
obligations can all cause strain on any relationship. So how can you tell if
these problems are typical, or indeed are early warning signals of marriage
problems that might be cause for concern?
Let’s look at these common signs of
marriage and relationship issues:
a) Complacency
Many marriage counselors agree that one of the first warning signs of potential
problems in a marriage is complacency. Taking each other for granted, neglecting
to spend time together, or forgetting to say “I love you”? can all be signs of
marriage problems that can lead to a much larger crisis.
b) Decreased physical intimacy
If your previously passionate love life has taken a turn for the worse, this
could be another sign of a marriage problem. Of course, life events like having
children, moving, changing jobs, or medical problems call all take it’s toll on
a couple’s sex drive, and doesn’t necessary equate to marriage problems.
However, if the trend continues for more than a couple of months, it could mean
a sign of a marriage problem that needs to be addressed.
c) Avoiding conflict
In an effort to avoid a fight, some partners will avoid conflict altogether.
While this may seem like a healthy reaction, in reality it only causes the
underlying problem to fester. It can also lead to an explosion of bottled
emotion once it finally comes out. Avoiding potential issues can be a signal of
problems in a marriage.
d) Need to win
When one partner feels that they need to win every argument, you have a sure
sign of a marriage issue or marriage problem. Marriage is a partnership, and
requires teamwork. There should be no winning and losing in a marriage, only
cooperation and working toward shared goals. If you aren’t doing this, you may
be showing signs of problems in your marriage.
e) Considering an affair
If one or both of you are considering, even half-heartedly, having an affair,
you are showing signs of problems in your marriage. Have an honest discussion
with your partner about what is missing in your relationship, and work out some
ways to rekindle the romance and stop signs of marriage trouble before they
start. The long-term damage to your relationship caused by an extra-marital
affair can be devastating. So think long and hard before you go down that road.
f) Separate vacations, separate
lives
If you find you and your spouse making plans without each other, whether it’s
separate vacations, hobbies that keep you occupied outside the house, or even
separate bank accounts, you might be exhibiting signs of marriage issues or
problems. It shows you could be drifting apart without both parties realizing.
Remember that you are a couple, and that comes first, and you can nip these
signs of marriage problems in the bud.
by Brandon Hong
article
source (http://www.articlebasement.com/45795/are-you-complacent-and-ignoring-these-common-signs-of-marriage-problems/)
_____________________________________________________
How To Get The Most Out Of Marriage Counseling
Life is not a
bed of roses and, sometimes, neither is marriage. After the flowers and
chocolates of the courtship days, the “I love you’s” of the engagement and the
“I do’s and till death do us part’ in marriage, the reality of a relationship
begins. The light of the romance and passion have started to flicker and the
illusions of living happily ever after fade away.
I only heard about this illusion coming into
real life in fairy tales and authors have already earned on that. Reality is
back and it is the start of a much more complicated and many see it as a boring
married life.
This is where
small, slightly bigger and extreme conflicts began due to differences in
personality of both people once in love. Not saying that they are not. After
all, they have to be congratulated even more once they felt that the after
effect of romance started to fade, this is where love can be seen and measured
because love is more than just a feeling but rather it is a decision. It is
easy to say you love someone once the feeling is high. But if the feeling is no
longer there, you decide to love.
There is lot of
help being offered right now by agencies on how to save marriages especially if
conflicts are new and can easily be repaired. Marriage and Family Counseling
for example is gaining popularity among married couples seeking help for
resolutions in their problems such as:
- infidelity
- loss of family member
- communication problems
- balancing the demands of home and work
- childhood traumas
- family violence
- substance abuse
- step-parenting problems
- school problems
- conflicts in remarriage families
The most common
misconception is that counseling is only for families that encounter
difficulties but counseling can also be a way to enhance relationships within
the families. You can go to counselor and ask him to give you some suggestion
on how to learn effective communication skills, assertiveness, conflict
resolution and time management.
You can find
Marriage and Family Counseling services being offered in different settings
like community mental health agencies, hospitals, managed care organizations,
houses of worship, employee assistance programs and independent practice. They
offer a wide array of services such as:
- crisis management
- prevention programs and parent education programs
- assessment and diagnosis
- individual couples and family counseling
- multi-couple or multi-family counselor
If you are
inclined to get the services of a marriage and family counselor, be sure that
you get the most value for your time and money. Every couple spends at least
$95-$200 a session per week. This a whole lot of money combined if you intend
to get an intensive marriage counseling that may last 3-6 months depending on how
grave your situation is.
The best thing
to do is know if your partner is willing to do this with you not because you
force it out of him but because both of you want to make your marriage work.
Never go to a counselor if one of you has already decided to call it quit.
Review the
following steps below to guide you on your steps to planning your counseling
right:
1. If you are
on the lookout for a counselor, be sure to know where to find him. Ask for
credible sources like your physician or married friends who are into counseling
themselves. Get a referral.
2. Before
meeting with your counselor, make a short phone call to his office and ask a
few relevant questions for you. It is not always that you can talk to the
counselor right ahead. But you also have to respect his policy. If his policies
do not appeal to you, you can always scout for another.
3. If you are
able to come up with a short list of names counselors from your referrals, take
the consultation to a new level. It is time to pay each one a visit and ask
them some relevant questions like background, experience and expertise. You
will also be able to know if you feel comfortable with him and revealing
personal information about your married life.
4. This initial
consultation appointment will set the ground for the counselor and you and your
husband as a couple. Ask your questions and try to feel the therapist’s style,
orientation and personality.
5. Be an
observer during the first meeting. Be intuned with your opinions and gut feel.
Remember, this is a person whom you are supposed to trust. Establish that trust
or look elsewhere for another counselor.
6. Always
remember to ask your potential counselor with the question, “have you ever been
into extensive personal therapy” instead. You would not like someone who preach
and preach but cannot apply them into actions.
7. Always go
with your husband to the scheduled appointment with your counselor to have an
even playing ground.
8. Focus on
learning about yourself during the counseling so that you can apply some
changes to your behavior that sometimes you are no longer aware of.
9. If there are
assignments given to you by the counselor, be committed by taking time and
effort to do it and apply them to your behavior. Work this thing out.
10. Always jot
down notes in your notebook about questions, issues you would like to discuss
with your counselor. This will help you to get organized and focused on issues
you wanted to resolve with your partner.
Follow these
ten suggestions and never go wrong in your counseling. Try to keep your
marriage strong amidst the swarm of divorce cases. Find solutions to issues
that are just beginning and you will see how your marriage works miracles.
by Lee Dobbins
artivle source (http://www.articlebasement.com/13675/how-to-get-the-most-out-of-marriage-counseling/)
__________________________________________________________
Practical Advice to Save Your Marriage
For The Lost & Helpless
If you are looking for
advice to save a marriage, there are many ways to find what you need. Many
books talk about saving your marriage, and are authored by experts in the
relationship field.
There are also many
self-improvement classes offered in most cities across America that offer
practical tips & advice to save a marriage and how to become happier in
your relationship.
While experts don’t
agree on every point, there are common grounds and similarities when it comes
to marriage tips and advice that is being recommended.
Let’s look at some of
these marriage tips and advice and hopefully, they can give you some
encouragement and help in your marriage.
a) Learn to
communicate with each other.
The best advice to those who want to save their marriage is to improve on one’s
communication skills. Faulty communication is a major cause of divorce and
separation. When you communicate more effectively with each other, you will see
a decrease in misunderstandings, and an increase in intimacy.
b) Spending quality time
together.
It’s not just the quantity, it’s also the quality. Many couples find themselves
running in opposite directions all the time. Take the advice of experts to save
your marriage and learn to spend time together.
As couples get older,
the pressures of life can become overwhelming and just keeping up with each
other’s schedule can be difficult. Some great advice to save a marriage is to
schedule date nights, time for just the two of you, when you can unplug the
phone, drop the kids off at Uncle Bob’s, and enjoy being together like you used
to be. Sounds romantic doesn’t it?
c) Seek help from
marriage counsellors.
If problems in your marriage become really tough, some good advice to save your
marriage is to see a marriage counselor or couples therapist. Sometimes it
seems overwhelming to work through problems yourselves, and a third person can
put some perspective on the situation. A marriage counselor is trained to see
patterns and offer solutions, and he or she can be a real source of advice to save
a marriage, no matter what the issues are.
d) Seek the opinion or
advice of a family member.
You can also ask a trusted friend or family member for advice to save a
marriage. If your friend has a successful relationship, she can probably offer
some of her own advice to save a marriage that has worked for her relationship.
However, this can be a double edge sword, But consider the source when taking
advice; not everyone has the same idea of a good relationship, and what works
for them might be all wrong for the two of you.
Some additional advice
to save a marriage is to focus on the positive. When your spouse makes you mad,
get some perspective by acknowledging, even to yourself, all the things he or
she does right. You might find that the action that angered you isnt’ really
all that big of a deal, all things considered.
When it comes to
advice to saving your marriage, there are many you can try. Depending on your
situation and the issues present in your relationship, some of this save yourmarriage advice will work wonders. Try a few suggestions and see.
by Brandon Hong
Article Source:
(http://www.articlebasement.com/45796/practical-advice-to-save-your-marriage-for-the-lost-helpless/)